Grandparents of 1-year-old refuse to pay allowance to her mom's family, insist on taking custody after their son's passing: 'It was honestly insulting'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 17, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Unplanned pregnancy might be a common occurrence, but that doesn't make its consequences any easier to deal with. While it could be argued that nobody is ever truly ready to become a parent, there are definitely circumstances in which it is a lot more difficult and where unforeseen events can conspire to make the whole thing even harder. 

This is especially true of surprise babies born to younger parents. It is often the case that other relatives will assume more responsibility for the child than they would otherwise, and this only heightens the vested interests and high emotions on display. If families aren't careful, it can lead to a messy situation relating to who takes care of the kid and who gets compensated for it. It can be surprising who decides that it is their responsibility to help with the raising of an unexpected child, and not always for the best reasons.

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    WIBTA For Refusing To Give Up Niece To Her Dad's Family?

    I, 25F, have a niece who just turned one. My sister had her when she was 17 and her boyfriend who had just joined college accepted responsibilty. We told him to inform his family but he was afraid so my mom ended up doing it herself. She talked to his dad and told him of the situation annd they agreed to give monthly allowances for the baby until such a time when their son would finish college and be financially independent. The allowances barely started before they stopped and even when they we
    via Agile_Stranger_7428

  • One woman found herself grappling with this after the paternal grandparents of her niece began to request that they take custody of her. After her teenage younger sister gave birth, the father went off to college while she and the maternal family took care of the baby. Telling the dad's family about the baby, they initially agreed to send an allowance on behalf of their son, but quickly stopped. 

    The young father then passed away, and all of a sudden, his parents demanded that they be the ones to take care of the now 1-year-old child. Her aunt wanted to know if her family were wrong to say no.

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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    My sister's boyfriend always came to visit the baby during the holidays and even told my mom that he was grateful to her for taking care of the baby and he promised he would repay her in the future. All that he asked for was that she take care of the baby till that time, Unfortunately, about 3 weeks later he passed away and those were the last words he had told her along with how he was planning for the baby's birthday which was two weeks after he'd di d. It was honestly devastating and sad.
    via Agile_Stranger_7428
  • 04

    "We can't give them the baby that we love and have bonded with"

    Now during the past weekend, his parents requested we visit them with the baby and we did and also allowed them to have her for a week along with my siblings to keep them company as both their other children were unable to stay with them for long after the funeral due to various reasons. Yesterday the dad says that they'd like to have the baby permanently. Mind you, before they wanted nothing to do with my niece esp the guy's mom and they looked down on us from when we met. They weren't even bei
    via Agile_Stranger_7428
  • 05
    During the times when we first met and they learned my dad wasn't around coz he was de d, it was one of the things that also made them look down on us as if we chose for him to be de d. My sister says I am supposed to give them some grace but we've given them a lot considering how they treated the baby and us. She didn't want it to be known he had a child yet we weren't even telling anyone whose child my niece was. For them they considered their reputatin clean more than caring for their grandch
    via Agile_Stranger_7428
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    via Kateryna Hliznitsova (Unsplash+)

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 07

    People tried to give their best advice on the difficult situation.

    DevilPup55 Seems to me the sister is the mother and could put a stop to that nonsense. Maybe have her sign over guardianship to op and her mom?
    via DevilPup55
  • 08
    1 Regenerator Your sister is the surviving parent and your Mom is the guardian? That carries more weight than the guy's parents. Make a plan with them to let you adopt the baby. If they aren't going to shell out for a doctor's visit now, what do you think will happen in the future?
    via 1Regenerator
  • 09
    Not-That_Girl Especially if it got to family court and they got exposed as distant, uncaring, unSUPPORTING grandparents who only appeared when their son di d. I wouldn't tolerant any further trips to take the baby to them, they can get off their butt's and come visit for an hour if they want. That's it. And they should be happy they get that.
    via Not-That_Girl
  • 10
    medicalbillsrus NTA. Time to lawyer up if you can.
    via medicalbillrsus
  • 11
    WhiteKnightPrimal NTA. But this isn't really your choice, or your mum's. Your sister is the mother of that child, if she chooses to give the baby to the paternal grandparents, I don't think you can actually stop her. I think a good place to start would be with a lawyer who specialises in family law. Your sister is young, is she still 17, or is she legally an adult now? Because that could have a bearing on what you can and can't do. A lawyer will be able to tell you if Grandparents Rights is a th
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 12
    It seems the dad knew exactly how his parents would react to all this and was trying to prevent the child being harmed by them. I don't blame your mum for contacting them, child support is beneficial and dad couldn't provide that. But the paternal grandparents have made it very clear they want nothing to do with your family. They've even wanted nothing to do with baby until now, it feels like they just want to replace their son or something, or just want to hurt you guys further. This doesn't se
    via WhiteKnightPrimal
  • 13
    TraumaHawk316 Sounds like grandma and grandpa see a paycheck in the form of child support and social security death benefit if they can get a hold of the baby.
    via TraumaHawk316
  • 14
    lafsngigs67 Your sister has legal rights over the grandparents. The grandparents don't have a legal right to to stand on.
    via lafsngigs67
  • 15
    Peircedskin Why on earth are you allowing your niece around these people? They have no rights to the child as your sister is the mom and very much alive and your mother is the childs guardian. Lawyer up and make your mother legal guardian, with you as the primary if something happens to your mom and sister. The baby is well looked after and these people are just nasty. Better no grandparent than grandparents like them. I was only close to my mothers mom. Dads mom was a narcissistic nightmare and
    via Peircedskin
  • 16
    Any-Lychee9972 The baby has a surviving parent, your sister. The baby will not be taken away from your sister and given to the paternal grandparents UNLESS she agrees. They can go to court all day every day and at most will be granted visitation, and even then, only if your state allows it. The only way that can have the baby permanently is if your sister allows it. Do not let them have the baby in the case they refuse to return the baby. Supervised visits only and you don't even have to do that
    via Any-Lychee9972
  • 17
    Horror Signature7744 Your sister became emancipated when she gave birth. They can't take her child away from her without extreme reasons and documented proof of those reasons. Changing their mind is not a reason. Grief over losing their child and wanting to fill a void is not a reason. They have no legal rights to the baby.
    via Horror_Signature7744
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    DenaGann Depending on the state if they are in the US, she may not be emancipated and the paternal grandparents may have rights as the son di d. They need a family law attorney to at least find out they laws.
    via DenaGann
  • 19
    history_buff_9971 NTA - You need lawyers, quickly. You also need to document everything they have said or done - or haven't done - for your niece. Any correspondence you have from them, keep it all. It's devastating that your niece's father has did, he was just a boy himself, and he sounds like he loved the baby would have tried to be a good father, but his tragic loss does not mean your niece should suddenly be turned into some sort of emotional support for his grieving parents. Particularly si
    via history_buff_9971
  • 20
    Reasonable-Check-120 Uhhh why is baby's mom/aka your sister not taking the main role here? This is on HER. As the parent. Unless she gave up her rights to Grandma/your mom.
    via Reasonable-Check-120
  • 21
    atchisonmetal NTA. The baby has bonded with you, and no good purpose would be served to switch families. I imagine the courts are going to have to become involved. Their family will have to sue yours for custody, which will be no fun. It'll also be unpleasant, and cost some considerable money. I hope your family will continue to care for this baby as you give him what he needs
    via atchisonmetal
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    LiveLongerAndWin You need to scrape together the money for a family law attorney. Usually you can get a consultation for a couple hundred and go from there. It sounds like your sister is very vulnerable on her own so you need to all go together. This is at least to have a shield. I was a baby that got passed around and ended up with an aunt and uncle because they had the money for attorneys. What was supposed to be a year for my Mom to get her life in order, turned into 16 years. I never knew wh
    via LiveLongerAndWin
  • 23
    Ginger630 NTA! Get a lawyer asap! They wanted nothing to do with the baby but want her permanently? H_I no. They don't even have an established relationship with her nor did they constantly support her. Getting GP rights is going to be hard. Keep her away from them. You all need to block them.
    via Ginger630

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